I thought of this while I was watching a scene that reminded me of one of the candidates in the 2008 presidential election. Anyway, if I were casting the movie version of the 2008 election, here is how I would do it:

Annette Bening as Hillary Clinton: Remember the scene in American Beauty where Annette Benning has a complete mental breakdown after failing to sell a house? Can’t you totally picture HRC throwing that same shit fit behind closed doors after she got thumped in Iowa? I can even see Bill toking it up while he works out in the garage and her coming in and bitching at him.

Kevin Costner as Mitt Romney: Both are pretty boys who have a lot of success despite not being as good as they think they are at what they do. If Cos is the robotic actor, then Mitt is the robotic candidate.

Paul Newman as John McCain: I used to vouch for both, and still admire them to some degree. But let’s face the facts here — they’re getting a little long in the tooth for either of their respective trades. McCain can’t even comb his own hair. Yes, I feel bad for the guy and respect him as a former soldier and POW, but c’mon.

Steve Buscemi as Dennis Kucinich: I can totally see Buscemi made to look older in make-up, just drilling Kucinich’s quirkiness spot on. That would be awesome. Any time you can fit someone as eccentric as Buscemi to play someone as eccentric as Kucinich, you pull the trigger.

Woody Allen as Ron Paul: They actually look quite a bit alike, as both are thin and squirrelly. I mean, ditch the glasses and it’s him. Allen delivering anti-war rhetoric at debates and getting flustered under opponent attacks would be classic. Both Allen and Paul’s dialogue always sounds the same, too.

Ian Holm as Rudy Giuliani: Another fine, well-known character actor. I think they could make him look a lot like Rudy, and the former Bilbo Baggins could definitely pull off Rudy the role. Just chastise the Paul character, talk about 9/11 until you’re blue in the face and distort the facts. I believe in you, Ian.

Dennis Quaid as John Edwards: Deadringer here. I think Quaid could pull off the whole I-grew-up-working-in-the-mills anger and the Natalie Sarkissian-story emotion pretty well. He could do the whole fighting-for-the-middle-class shtick. Plus, both are better suited to play supporting roles. I like you John, but your days are numbered.

Kevin Spacey as Mike Huckabee - Can’t you totally see Spacey doing Huck’s “the guy you work with, instead of the guy who fires you” spiel. Spacey would nail his humor, his religious conviction and his political absent-mindedness.

Fred Thompson as Fred Thompson: He could just play himself. After all, the role isn’t a difficult one — just act boring and disinterested.

Saving the best for last…

Chiwetel Ejiofor as Barack Obama: Both have funny-sounding names and top-notch games. The man destined to nab a Best Actor Oscar plays the man destined to be President. I’m pretty sure someone will play Obama in a film one day, and while it won’t be Chewie, it’s damn fun to imagine.

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